Calm over Stress

Let’s talk about stress, baaaby, let’s talk about you and me!

Ok, so those are not the original lyrics to that early 90’s song, but now, let’s talk about stress. Did you know stress can affect your health, thoughts, and behaviors? And when left to its own, it can contribute to an array of health issues including heart problems, high blood pressure, heart disease, obesity, and diabetes?

If you’re like me, you probably don’t connect stress to headaches, inability to sleep, or maybe how you’re unable to be as productive as you once were. If I dare say, we live in a bizarre culture where we wear busyness, stress, and unhealthy habits like a badge of honor. And in my opinion, because of our busy-badge-wearing, we accept stress for the overpowering force it can be. Yes, stressful situations will never cease to exist and you simply cannot eliminate it. But I do believe you can learn to diminish the shout of stress in your life to a quiet whisper.

Through aging, I have become more aware of what my mind, heart, body and soul need. That may sound like a cheesy line from a self-help book, but it’s true. In order to do what I need to do, which is ultimately love and serve others through my daily routine, health in every aspect is absolutely crucial. Is it always possible? No; however, I have confidence in the idea of creating habits to support more health in every area.

Here are five things I do that have personally provided me with the tools to manage, decrease, and even eliminate some of the stress:

• Get outside! Yes, I’m a outdoors lover by nature, but it’s not always the first thing I want to do. I make it a priority to go outside for at least 20 minutes daily. Most days, I do more than that, depending on the weather. No matter what you have, what you do, or where you live (unless it’s a submarine), you can get outside. Take a walk first thing in the morning, or before bed. If you have pets to walk, it’s a no brainer. Take your lunch break outside–it doesn’t have to be fancy! Work outside when possible. Even when I was classroom teaching, I would try to take my planning or lunch time outside. I took the effort to find places (picnic tables or benches) to be outside. If there weren’t any? I’d create it. Even if it meant propping a door open with a chair and sitting. Just make it happen–go out and get the stink blown off ya, as my grandmother would say! I’m a firm believer in the power of fresh air.  
• Do at least one thing daily that revitalizes you. First, you must know what those things are. For example, I love to read. Reading not only comforts me, it provides me with a slice of mental checkout when I’m overwhelmed. Maybe for you it’s cooking, playing an instrument, yoga, meditating, journaling, or snuggling. Every person is created differently, to love and need in varying ways. No two people are going to be revitalized in the exact way. I also encourage you to do this alone, and device-free. Yep. No “scrolling instagram makes me feel better.” It may be fun, or a nice distraction, but you’re aiming for something life-giving, while at the same time providing you a chance to refresh and reset. Whether it’s five or 50 minutes, be intentional in carving out the time to make it a habit. 
• Get your recommended amount of sleep! I know how this sounds, but it’s true. Like, truer than true. I know we all have those lousy nights of minuscule sleep (parenthood, anyone?). Studying for an exam, being up with a loved one, or preparing for a big presentation at work happens, but it shouldn’t be happening daily. We are not in competition for who can perform the best on the least amount of sleep. I’ll say it again for the people in the back: WE ARE NOT IN COMPETITION FOR WHO CAN PERFORM THE BEST ON THE LEAST AMOUNT OF SLEEP. There is not award for barely surviving on three hours of sleep, and no amount of caffeine, music, or whatever you do to drag yourself out of bed is going to make up for lack of sleep. Some people need more, and some people need less, but getting adequate sleep is for every human being. Are you alive? You require adequate sleep! Stress and not getting enough sleep can be a vicious cycle–not enough sleep causes stress, and you get stressed when you don’t get enough sleep. Take it one night at a time. Set a timer in your house or on your phone to remind you to go to bed earlier, and put down your phone sooner. Use a sound machine or natural sleep aid to help (think lavender essential oil or a natural melatonin). Obviously, your schedule, natural sleep needs and cycle dictate what times you go to bed and get up, but just make sure you’re getting at least six to eight hours of sleep. 
• Get up five minutes earlier. No matter the time, try an extra five minutes for some quiet time. Not an extra five minutes to press snooze (I’m preaching to the choir, here), or extra time to shower, scroll, or eat, but extra time to simply be. For me, I read my bible, enjoy a cup of tea, do a devotion, and then stretch. It’s usually about 20 minutes, some days more, some days less. I don’t do this because I am its easy or because I have loads of extra time, I simply make the time. Of course staying in bed a few more minutes is always tempting; however, staying in bed a few more minutes is not what helps me stay calmer, more focused and grateful during the day. Having my alone time before the chaos starts does. Maybe you want to do some reading, deep breathing, or quietly sip a cup of coffee. Whatever it is, start and stick to it. Make sure your spouse is on board, and in the event your children are old enough to understand, and are early risers like mine, let them know this is your time. So if they arise while you’re doing your quiet time, have a plan–lock the door, have a timer ready, etc. But ideally, do this before they get up. They will internalize this as you making a healthy habit, which is a good thing!
• Have a plan for stressful moments. Do you know what triggers you? Are you getting ready to experience an especially stressful season (think the early spring being an accountant’s especially stressful season). Do you have a plan for when this happens? It will happen, no matter if you have your ducks in a row or not. Be prepared with tangible steps to help yourself. A meeting you’re anticipating to be heavy? Plan your lunch break outside with one of your favorite foods/meals, or take the stairs instead of the elevator all that day. The bit of exercise will be a physical release of stress and could allow a release of dopamines, the chemical your brain releases that messages your brain to seek a reward. Set aside time in your day for a few minutes of deep breathing, or even for a call to someone you love. Set timers in your phone or write it in your planner. Talking to one of my best friends, even for a few minutes, usually leaves me laughing and feeling lighter. Is your spouse traveling, or your kids sick? Ask a friend or family member to help lighten the load. You’d be surprised how simple, small acts make the biggest differences. For example: I had my third child in the month of August, one of my husband’s busiest months, as he is a school administrator. With my three children being two years apart each, I was very tired and overwhelmed. A friend offered to come over and help out; she only had one hour, but wanted, even insisted on coming over. In all reality, we didn’t have a long, deep friendship, and she lived somewhat far away, but I said yes. She showed up and literally did the dishes and a load of laundry while I nursed the baby. Her three-year-old played with my two-year-old (which was a relief all in itself), and I got to just sit quietly for a short while. Why am I bringing this up? Because I obviously remember it, and more specifically, I remember how cared for I felt. Her physical acts of kindness helped me carry on throughout the rest of that day’s chaos not only because she showed up, but because my “yes” created room for calm to wiggle in among the stress.

Stressful times and situations are unavoidable. We are not promised a happy, perfect, balanced life, although culturally, it may seem like it’s the goal. It’s not. We’re here to live through and persevere through the best times and the stressful times, coming out wiser in the end. My hope is for you to feel more prepared in dealing with your stress, so you get the best of it more than it gets the best of you. Your future self will thank you, along with your loved ones!

Resources: mayoclinic.org