Baby Steps

“Baby steps. It means setting small, reasonable goals for yourself. One day at a time, one tiny step at a time — do-able, accomplishable goals.”

Richard Dreyfuss as Dr. Leo Marvin in the movie What About Bob

One of my favorite movies is a movie from the 80’s, titled What About Bob, starring Richard Dreyfuss and Bill Murray. First, if you’ve never seen it, please do yourself a huge favor and watch it. Not only are Richard Dreyfuss and Bill Murray fantastic as their characters Dr. Leo Marvin and Bob Wiley, but the classic comedic approach to therapeutic efforts is refreshing. And I believe it to be mostly accurate. I say that from the point of view as a person who loves comedy, and appreciates well-being and attention to mental health. I’m sure there are a few cringe-worthy moments, or things we wouldn’t naturally say nowadays. However, I’ll still stand by the movie for its wit, actor’s insightful acting, and the takeaway content.

To Sum Up the Plot

To sum up the plot in my own words: the clinically diagnosed paranoid Bob Wiley (Murray), crosses the patient-doctor line by inappropriately going to great lengths in an attempt to befriend his new therapist Dr. Leo Marvin (Dreyfuss). Bob’s efforts to remedy his ailments and sooth himself through Dr. Marvin’s methods and forced friendship spins out of control, at the expense of Dr. Marvin’s own sanity. Although he’s the reason for Dr. Marvin’s demise, all of the family and colleagues view Bob as a strange, but lovable goofball.

In the beginning of the movie, the viewer is introduced to Dr. Marvin’s shining achievement. His book of practical, measurable steps for those looking to improve, entitled “Baby Steps”. The book details how to take small, manageable steps as an approach to tackling any issue. Once Bob discovers this concept, he believes it to be his saving grace. From that point on, he goes about his days muttering, “baby step down the hall, baby step to the elevator”. His literal take on the advice is silly, but oh, so memorable.

The Takeaway

Even though I saw this movie for the first time during childhood, the idea of taking baby steps, the small, manageable steps in order to achieve or finish something has stuck with me. It’s a feasible, simple concept. In fact, there are so many phrases and quotes out in the world with the same basic premise: do a little at a time, don’t bite off more than you can chew, etc. I don’t know how you operate, or what your personality type leans to, but I know you’ve probably struggled a time or two with this concept. Just as I have (and still do at times) as well!

Have you ever desired change, but didn’t know how or where to start? Did you ever attempt a new habit and fall flat after only a few days (or few hours, let’s be real)? There’s a good chance it’s because you tried to do too much, too fast. For me, when that’s happened, I get overwhelmed, frustrated and exhausted. I also know people who have thrived in the “all or nothing” mindset. Or operated at their best while doing the most. I do not discredit those people and experiences.

This takeaway is for anyone and everyone who may at some point need a simple nudge in the right direction, coupled with a practical method. For me personally, I have tried (and failed) many a time after attempting to do everything all at once. My husband is notorious for this. He has the “my diet starts Monday” mindset, and attempts to go all in to whatever he’s planned; like going from zero to sixty miles per hour without the knowledge of how to handle the sudden speed. My best friend Kristi (who I have mentioned in previous blog posts), was the queen of this as well.

Years ago, Kristi wanted to start getting in better shape. She had just moved to Georgia to be with her fiance, and she had extra time on her hands. Because of the extra time, she had the expectation to be in the best shape of her life. I remember her detailing her projected day to me, which included yoga in the morning, walking or jogging mid-morning, weights in the afternoon, and another walk or jog in the evening. Although it was admirable, I had the feeling it wasn’t doable. She bit off more than she could chew, so to speak.

How to go About Baby Stepping

All of this leads us to this: how do we actually start taking baby steps? I have found it best to start with some sort of written plan. Let’s call it pinpointing a goal.

The Goal: Really think about what you want. Take time to think about it, and then translate it into your goal. Once you have it, write it down! Not a write-it-down type? Type it on a computer or phone, just get it out of your head. For example: exercise 3 days a week, read 10 pages of my book every night, cook at home 2 times per week, listen to 1 podcast per day, get up at 5 am, Monday-Friday. These are obviously examples, and you most likely have a different goal than what I’ve just listed, but you get the picture, right?

The Why: Why do you desire this goal? Essentially, what’s in it for you? At your core, there must be a strong enough reason for you to desire this specific change. Otherwise, you’ll most likely give up easily or not take it seriously. As the saying goes, you’ve gotta have some skin in the game. Some investment in the pot. We all tend to work harder and smarter when we know the stakes. Define your “why” and write it out after your goal. It doesn’t have to be fancy, long, or formal. As an example for a “get up earlier goal”, it could be: I want more time to set myself up for a successful day in the morning.

The Assessment: After deciding upon your goal, assess where you are. Let’s use the example listed above: get up at 5 am, Monday-Friday. Assess where you are by ideally listing, or simply thinking about the facts. What time am I currently getting up? How much time do I need in the morning to be ready? What will the outcome be when I am getting up at 5 am? Being honest and upfront will help you to create realistic steps. If you’re having a tough time assessing, ask a trusted friend or family member for help. Between you and them, if you’re still unable to adequately make an assessment, perhaps it’s not the goal for you.

The Steps: Now it’s time for the fun! Coming up with some “baby steps” to help you start on your path to success. I suggest starting with three steps. Three is easily remembered. Getting overwhelmed by three steps is less likely to happen than creating 10 steps. This may take some thought, and possibly some trial and error. For example: getting up at 5 am – Step 1: get up 10 minutes earlier the first week. Step 2: set my alarm, and set the oven timer to correlate with my alarm. Step 3: set the coffee pot timer to start making my coffee at 5 am.

The Accountability Piece: Do you ever need support? If so, you’re like the rest of humanity! Everyone needs help from time to time. There is absolutely nothing wrong with asking and requiring help. I encourage you to ask a good friend or family member to check in with you regarding your goal progress. Ask them to call or text you from time to time. Are you the type who needs tough love? Have your best friend or sibling call you out if you’re not doing what you said you were going to do. You could even add reminders and alerts in your phone, or create a wallpaper of your goal for your phone.

My Latest Baby Step Experience

With the start of summer, I was struggling to continue my exercising and active habits. Having my children at home is a blessing (most days), and I truly enjoy lazy days at home. However, I do better with certain aspects of my life when I’m scheduled and out of my house. Writing, planning, exercising…I do all of them better when I actually go somewhere to do them.

So in terms of getting started with my summer exercise routine, I became determined. And becoming determined is how I came up with the five steps listed above. For me, it helped to have something tangible to turn to. I used post its for writing out my goals, and my desk calendar to help keep everything on track. The biggest piece to my success puzzle was getting my mind right.

When it comes to getting my mind right, I procrastinate, overthink, and at times, spiral into apathy when imagining the worst case scenario. These become fierce opponents to my success, because I allow them to overwhelm me. The simple steps I’ve created help me get started and stay focused with none or little chance of getting overwhelmed or giving up. The process also allows for growth; growth where I can build on my why and goals, and continue to grow overall as a person.

I made a three starting goals: be active for at least 30 minutes a day, 6 days a week; stretch each morning for at least five minutes; and find a running buddy. My initial thought was to plan intense workouts that would last one hour, every day. Yep, that was not only a lofty, unrealistic goal, but a lofty thought in general considering where I was starting! In the end, what I decided upon and wrote on the post-its was a more accurate, and attainable goal for me, and place to start before continuing to build on it as time went on.

To Keep in Step

Overall, this process is meant to be inspiring and helpful. If you take a few points away from what I’ve written, then bravo! Honestly, I have found the most challenging aspect of these steps is to keep going. It should be the simplest thing, but it rarely is. Creating a new habit, or achieving a goal is hard. It takes work! It takes commitment! And most importantly, it takes grit. Grit is the effort you continue to put forth even when things get harder, or when you fail, which you will from time to time.

Keeping in step with your goal is easier than you might think. Go back to the beginning and start again. Your baby steps are small and doable, remember? You can do it again and again, and go back as many times as needed. If you continue on, you will not only create a habit, but you’ll have gained some grit and insight in the process.

Finally, know that I am always cheering you on. Yes, I say this in much of my writing, but I think you are like me, and need reminded of who is out there silently or audibly supporting you. I will always be doing so for you. And like I stated above, please go watch What About Bob, if you’ve never done so. Even if you don’t find it funny (I want to pick your brain if you don’t), you will at least have reinforced the concept of baby stepping. Here’s to baby stepping in the right direction, friends!